Apr 19
Last week I discussed the concept of how we handle decisions and baptism with kids. Truthfully I only planned to write one post, but it kind of morphed into a week’s worth of posts. I still had a few thoughts I hadn’t finished sorting out. Actually some thoughts that were in my head originally but they never made it to my post. So today and tomorrow I’ll get these final thoughts out and move on to something else.
About two years ago a friend of mine told me about an experience he had as the youth pastor at a fairly large church in the mid-west. They would give invitations every week at their student ministry services. The church was big on evangelism. Leadership felt it was very important to get these kids baptized as quick as possible, lest they fall through the cracks. So, the staff was encouraged/required to try to make it happen that night. After students came forward to receive Christ, they would bring the kids to the back, dial their parent’s phone number on a cell phone and have the kids get permission to get baptized that night.
Can you imagine that conversation? “Hey mom! I came up tonight to become a Christian. They want me to get baptized right now. Can I?”
What kind of position does this put the parents in? Even if a parent declined because they want to be a part of the experience, they risk disappointing a teenager. They’re a teenager. They don’t want to let their youth pastor down who’s pressuring them to do the deal that night.
My friend told me that he felt like he was committing spiritual rape. Ouch. As he told me this story, I couldn’t help but feel burdened for these kids. What a mess. I know the church was well intentioned. They just wanted to see kids come to Christ and “seal the deal.” But how much damage was done in the process.
Again, this makes me re-evaluate how I handle this important but delicate task. I need to trust God more and resist the urge to “make” something happen.
written by Kenny
Apr 18
The idea I blogged about yesterday is what I’ve been processing the most. I really like this idea a lot. But I naturally have some questions. Perhaps you did too.
1. It’s obvious that only a percentage of the parents will come back with their kids for the class. That isn’t fair to those kids. Wouldn’t it be better to give everyone an opportunity to decide now so that kids who really want this don’t fall through the cracks due to their parent’s unwillingness to participate.
2. Do I really want to trust this opportunity to parents who have absolutely no experience at all? What if they mess it up? What if the kids have questions that the parents can’t answer? What if they make something up?
Maybe you didn’t think these things, but I sure did. In some ways I feel that this is the litmus test on how committed we are to family ministry. Do we really want our parents to grow in their spiritual leadership or are we going to keep trying to do their job and then complain that our parents aren’t doing more? Hmmm, good questions Kenny!
Here’s what I think. God’s bigger than me. He’s in control of more things than I control. If I decide that I want to honor the GOD ORDAINED institution of the family and empower parents to lead their children into a relationship with him, then I need to not worry as much about “taking advantage of an opportunity.” If a child truly wants to receive Christ, there is nothing I or their parent can do about it. I have to remember that it isn’t I who saves… it is the Holy Spirit who calls them and saves them. Maybe I should let go and let God do what he wants to do. As much as I want to see that child come to Christ, I’m pretty sure God wants it more than I do.
And as far as being afraid that a parent is going to mess it up kind of follows the same line. How many times has God used me even though I was a screw-up? How many times did God use unlikely (or even shady characters) to display his magnificent character? Yeah, I think God is big enough that I can let go of this one too. It’s not like I have to abandon these parents. I can provide all the resources they need and be available for help. But I think there is something absolutely beautiful about a father, who doesn’t yet have it all together, humbled at the opportunity to lead his family to Christ. I think that’s in the Bible somewhere folks!
***but wait***
That doesn’t mean we can’t provide tools to make it easy for a child to come to Christ. We can provide resources, things on our web site and the tools for a child who’s really on their own who really want’s to meet Christ take that step on their own or with a leader if necessary.
***one more thing***
Like I said, I’m still processing this. I had a heated debate about this with my wife. She challenged me that this idea makes it too hard for kids to come to Christ. I certainly don’t want that. I want it to be easy for a child who is seeking to find Christ. So, I’ve still got some thinking to do.
written by Kenny
Apr 17
A few weeks ago I wrote about “The Essence of Orange” DVD from the reThink group. In this DVD, Reggie Joiner mentioned this very things I’ve been writing about. Since it was Orange, it was in the family ministry context. However, it made more sense to me than anything else I have ever done or heard.
*** Preface **** Now I could have heard this wrong or I could be off, but I think this is the gist of what he was saying.
All of us agree that we want parents to be more involved in the spiritual development of our kids. If asked though, most of us would probably admit that we were doing little to equip parents to spiritually lead their kids. There are many, many good reasons to invite kids to Christ in a kids church or event. However, why can’t we create more opportunities for parents to be involved in actually leading their child to Christ?
Reggie explained that in many of their services they wouldn’t necessarily call kids to make decisions but more call kids toward wanting to make a decision. Once they got to that point, the invited kids and their parents to a class. In this class, both the parents and the kids learned what it meant to make this decision and were giving the tools to do it. Then, the class dismissed and sent everyone home. Parents could then use the resources, materials and training to actually lead their kids to Christ (possibly even themselves in the process). Sure, it’s probably a little messier and perhaps you have fewer kids go though this process than letting them make decisions without their parents, but it does show a commitment toward equipping the parents. If a mom or dad can do what it takes to lead their child to Christ, perhaps with the right materials they can begin leading their family in Bible study?
I’ve been thinking a lot about what this might look like in my ministry. Still processing it, but I like the way it looks.
Sorry, I lied. I have one more thing to say on this matter.
written by Kenny
Apr 16
I hope this got your attention. As someone who loves seeing kids come to Christ, I get very excited about this. I imagine you would too. So, please read the paragraph below and click on the links. All of this will only take 3-4 minutes and you’ll get a glimpse of something very powerful happening in the lives of kids… just a few thousand miles away.
Continue reading »
written by Kenny
Apr 16
Amazing. I remember being the 20 year-old, part-time Children’s Pastor at a small church in Jenks, Oklahoma. A parent approached me with his 4th grade daughter (this did happen on more than one occasion) and said, “Mr. Kenny, my daughter want’s to receive Christ. Will you pray with her?”
I look at this situation differently now than I did 11 years ago. I said “Absolutely… let’s pray!” Now when I look back at this situation I see a different picture. It’s a little strange (but far too common). A grown man, a father, was handing off his child for me to share in the most important decision of her life. I understand. He probably saw this as my “job.” He also probably felt unqualified. However, how hard would it have been for me to coach him in leading his daughter to Christ. She was ready. Has this ever happened to you?
How about this one? On occasion I would get a phone call from a confused (sometimes angry) parent. The child came home from church or from VBS and told his/her parents that he/she had committed his/her life to Christ. The calling parent would sometimes just question if we really believed a child could make this kind of decision. They’d sometimes question our approach, asking kids to make a decision before they really understood what they were doing. I had one parent angrily accuse me of luring kids to raising hands, praying a prayer so I could go back to my staff and tell them how many I had converted.
Yikes!
I have always felt a heavy responsibility for inviting kids to follow Christ. Certainly I was to take advantage of my opportunities, but I also made every effort to contact families of kids who made decisions. And this is the struggle I had. We would see hundreds of kids come to Christ at VBS. Over the following months we would baptized dozens. However, I’d always have one or two of these phone calls/conversations. I rationalized that it was okay to alienate one or two people as long as we would see kids come to Christ by the dozens. But I still didn’t always feel great about this, it just didn’t seem right. In situations where kids are given an opportunity to receive Christ, how do you involved the parents? How do you respect them as the spiritual authority, regardless of whether they take it seriously.
Here’s how we “fixed” this:
We’d give an invitation whether it was VBS or regular weekend service. We’d either send home a packet with them that day or mail on to them the next day. Ultimately the packet explained that the child had made a decision, we were excited and we’d love to help follow-up. We’d give them options to attend a baptism class or meet with someone on staff. However, we were putting the “ball” in their court. A portion of these parents did call us, come to baptism classes or meet with the staff. Many did not, but we decided that we needed to respect the parents in this process. We would usually send a follow-up letter to those who didn’t respond to our previous letter a few weeks later, but after that we would let it go. The result? I stopped getting those phone calls. Kids were coming to Christ and I felt like we were respecting the parental authority boundary.
Wrapping this up tomorrow.
written by Kenny
Apr 15
Just curious. Has anyone used any Speed Reading programs/software. I’ve met people who have done programs in the past and claim that it helped them significantly. I’ve done a bit of research today and there are a lot of programs out there ranging from $20 to $200 or more. Just curious if anyone out there has used something recently. I need to increase my reading speed!!!
Here are the ones I’m looking at:
Technorati Tags: speed reading
written by Kenny
Apr 15
Yesterday I talked just a little bit about baptizing kids. Today I want to talk about inviting kids to come to Christ.
My philosophy on this has changed over the years, and even more over recent weeks… maybe. I still have some things to work out.
Earlier in my ministry I served in more traditional churches. They were churches that offered invitations every Sunday (at least almost every Sunday). As a children’s pastor I would do the same. Actually I’d typically offer some kind of invitation every 2-3 weeks. It’s just what we did.
However, as I began serving in churches that didn’t do traditional “alter calls,” I had to evaluate how I approached this with the kids. These churches that didn’t do “alter calls” understood there were many visitors that were still working out their faith. They were giving opportunities to fill out a card where someone could follow up face-to-face. I’m okay with that. Just because they did alter calls at the church I grew up at doesn’t mean they have to do it here. As long as people are coming to Christ, I’m on board.
I had to meet with my supervisor and ask what he expected. I understood that the ministry to kids needs to reflect ministry to adults… but we’re not going to have kids fill out decision cards… that’s just silly. We decided that we would give invitations on a regular basis. When a child made a decision, we’d celebrate that but then send information home with that child that day. We wanted parents to know of the decision right away so they could be involved in the next steps. After this, the child and the parents would either meet with a staff member or in a baptism class where they’d review this decision and explain what it meant as well was what baptism was all about.
This seemed to work pretty well, but it has it flaws. I’m not quite sure I’d do it exactly like this again… like I said, I’m still working this out.
More to come.
Technorati Tags: Childrens Ministry
written by Kenny
Apr 14
I won’t deny it. I love praying with a child to receive Christ. It’s one of the things I love most about my job. Yeah, I also love to baptize kids. When I baptize them, I know I’ve had a chance to walk through this decision with the child and his or her parents. But what do I think is even cooler? When I get to stand by a parent as they baptize their own child. Over the years I’ve baptized hundreds of kids. Certainly it has been very special to me. Several of my facebook friends are kids I baptized years ago. Sometimes I’ve seen endorsements for a speaker/evangelist coming to speak somewhere that state the number of kids he’s baptized. “Brother Mark has baptized 4,000 kids.”
What does that tell me? No, I don’t initially think it’s bragging. It tells me that Brother Mark has likely had a powerful and effective ministry. Praise God! But how do I want to be known (not that I really need to want to be know)? How many kids has Kenny Conley baptized? Maybe by the number of times I’ve stood in the water with a parent baptizing their kid. Now that’s cool. I’ve got some more thoughts on this I’d like to share with you.
Technorati Tags: baptism,parents,Childrens Ministry
written by Kenny
Apr 14
It’s 2:00 AM. I just finished watching Ice Princess. My third time. Zack and Cody are next followed by Hannah Montana.
I’d call it research, but that’d be a lie. I love this stuff!
written by Kenny
Apr 13
I tired to snap some good pictures of Gateway church while I was out there last week. Unfortunately, the battery died on me while taking pictures, so I didn’t get a chance to take pictures of all of the campus.
The building is two years old. For several years the church leased an old Jewish synagogue closer to Downtown Austin. They eventually bought land a little further north and built a few buildings. The property looks like it is pretty much maxed out with a little growing room for maybe one more building (maybe for student ministries or something). In the new multi-site model, this really isn’t such a big deal as the idea isn’t necessarily to build a mega-campus.
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written by Kenny
